What’s wrong with giving a double cheeseburger a little Vitamin D? (Or, why I wanted to eat lunch in the tanning bed.)

scary hour glass

If time keepers were always this scary, maybe I'd pay more attenting to ticking seconds.

I get an hour for lunch. Most days, I eat at our convenient cafe, Saguaro’s, which is located in the Solid Cactus lobby. Well, I order from there, and then usually eat at my desk. I have a picture of the chili dog incident to prove it. I still think I see mustard sometimes, if I push down really hard on the Q, W, A, or, S.

For a few reasons, I’ve tried to step away from my desk for lunch:

1) My eyes need a freakin’ break. I have very sensitive eyes and know this. Yet, I stare at a screen for eight hours at work and then usually, 8 hours at home. My eye doctor scolds me for not giving my eyes a break and has suggested special glasses for computer use, but I am embarrassed of how I look in glasses, and in fact, hardly wear sunglasses. But that’s another story. Sometimes, tears just roll down my cheek at work. So, stepping away for an hour will help in a small way.

2) See intro. I spilled a chili dog on my keyboard. And a tuna sandwich. At least when I drop the string cheese, it doesn’t leave a crumb. Before you ask why I must eat over my keyboard, I will have you know that I have a small desk, which has a phone and dual monitors, and a keyboard. That takes up 2/3 of my desk. The only open space has the filing cabinet underneath, while the chair hole is on the computer side. So, to eat at my desk, I must lean all the way over to take bites and my body just doesn’t move like that. So, stepping away from my desk will help me eat more comfortably.

3) I overextend myself sometimes, and taking a break out of the office will allow me to run those errands like picking up paperwork or prescriptions, making phone calls for interviews for my freelance writing assignments, going tanning, picking up cat litter, and other things that sometimes I can’t always squeeze in after 5:00. I want to make better use of my time, so actually taking a lunch break can help me do a little more, like read those books I blogged about last post.


This was the one thing I couldn't fit into my lunch break.

Number 3 was the case for earlier today. I was picking up some materials from the Wilkes creative writing office. There was stand-still traffic on River Street because of UGI utility work. So, my plan to tan on lunch after my quick errand was already looking pale. I picked up my papers and headed through Wilkes-Barre another way to return to work, hoping to stop at Burger King. Then, I realized it was only 1:30.

I did some math. Tanning takes 10 minutes – add 5 for signing in and changing in and out of clothes. I could still be back at work by 2:00 or just after 2:00. I decided to go tanning.I made my way to Hollywood Tans in Wilkes-Barre, where I have a three-month package. I pretended I was a CIA agent with privilege access to a top secret biomedical research lab when I confirmed I was me by place my index finger on the illuminated keypad. I grabbed my towel from the nice, tan young man and as I headed to Booth 14, my bladder mentioned it was ready to make a deposit.

I walked all the way back up front to see if there was a rest room. There was. I went into the rest room, set down my things, and noticed there were no paper towels. No prob. I have a towel. Then, I saw there was also no toilet paper – and no refills to be found. I went back up from to ask the guy for help. The toilet paper was in a box on the top shelf of a storage room, so it took a bit to wrangle down. Then, after my allotted five minutes for sign-in and dressing were more than over, I just started to relieve myself in the tanning salon bathroom.

By the time I exited the tanning booth, it was 2:07. I got back to work at 2:15.

But before I got back to work, my bladder’s cellmate, Stomach, reminded me that I was hungry. There was no way I had time to stop, so I told him that he’d be fed after work my way of martini and tapas. However, I asked a question, which was supposed to be the point of this long blog post.

Are you allowed to eat in tanning booths?

And, no, I don’t mean the lay-down kind. The stand-up kind at Hollywood Tan.

hollywood tanning bed

It may look like a time capsule, but I wonder if it can save time on lunch break - tan while you eat.

Has ANYONE tried this?

Has any time-crunched, multitasking, errand-running-on-lunch break person seeking more color ever stood there, stark naked, lathered in hemp-infused bronzer eating a double cheeseburger?

Of course, you could only hold on to one of the provided-for-your-convenience gymnastic rings, but still. And, my eyes would be closed, but visually-impaired people don’t need to see to eat, so this is not an impossible feat.  The thought made me laugh. Plus, good way to ensure your lunch doesn’t get too cold.

But heck. If I don’t take care of my eyes and don’t break away from the screen, I could end up eating my double cheeseburger in the dark one day.


About Donna Talarico

Higher ed web marketing. Creative writer. Love word games. View all posts by Donna Talarico

2 responses to “What’s wrong with giving a double cheeseburger a little Vitamin D? (Or, why I wanted to eat lunch in the tanning bed.)

  • good ps3 games

    There ire lots of differences in between Hollywood films and also the other people, for instance Bollywood

  • Miss Laila Love

    Hello fellow tanner! *waves hello

    I know I’m a few years late, but I read your post and thought I should respond.

    Well, I tan at “Straight Up Tanning” in Las Vegas, NV. When I go in, I admit, I’m either on a time crunch or just super hungry. Albeit that I questioned it a few times and scard myself by thinking, “If I drink this milkshake while in tanning and drop it, I’m seriously going to die of electric shock!”

    Long story short, I do the Red Light Therapy, which it 12 minutes and tan for about 5 minutes (because it gets way too hot for me plus I get dark very easily). The girls know me so they know to hand me a towel and a robe after they tell me the booths are ready for me. They make sure there is a sign on my door letting me know which booth to go into after I’m done with the red light therapy. So covenient because I can be forgetful.

    Before I check in, I go to back beauty bar to grab a hair tie and cone back to check in. I take a few bites and undress. Make sure my goggles and solar cap are on aND take a few more bites. And yes! I make sure I to grab a water bottle (with a cap) so I can place it on the floor in between my feet while I tan and eat the rest of my lunch. It takes about a few minutes to inhale my food. While time is passing, the radio is on full blast and I do squats. (Or dance, however I’m feeling that day 😊) Red light therapy done, next booth please! I have all my stuff gathered in a tote and my water and food in hand, walking to my next booth with the comfy black robe they gave me (which I subconsciously would like to “take” it one day). Door is shut, set my stuff down and water and food ready to tan!

    So, that being said….I see no reason (other then hormephobia) to not eat and or drink while being in a tanning booth!

    Happy and safe tanning!


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